I’ve been meaning to write this for a while because I’m constantly reminded of how lucky I am to be out and in the open about the work I do. I know that the majority of sex-workers have to hide what we do from friends and family to avoid having judgment, hate, and even personal insults hurdled our way – it’s frightening and it shouldn’t be that way. But when I started camming and making videos around 3 years ago, I decided within the first week that I wasn’t going to live that life, and neither should anyone else. If you’ve never considered coming out, or if you’re afraid to do it, continue reading on and let me tell you my reasons for coming out as a sex worker. At the end I’ll be sure to explain the negative repercussions as well, so please read everything and take into account your own risks:

1. LIVE BLACKMAIL FREE!
You can’t be blackmailed if you’re already out. Inevitably in your sex-work career you will run into that one person whose sole purpose of living is to out you to your friends and family. Why? Who knows; there’s rarely logic, compassion or intelligence behind these people and creepers exist in every line of work, not just sex-work. I’ve heard of these kinds of people DM’ing girls on Twitter to blackmail them into sending money, nudes or videos in return for not revealing their real name, etc. It doesn’t happen often, but it certainly can if you’re not careful with your identity. Sometimes the worst stars align and then someone with malicious intention stumbles upon your personal data. If you’re out, no one can threaten you with releasing your real name to friends or family– because you already did!

2. THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE
Hiding certain aspects about your life is frustrating, hard, and often requires you to lie to friends and family. I never liked the idea of having to wear a wig, hide my face, or lie to my viewers about where I’m living, etc. It requires a lot of work and removes a lot of opportunities to be the real you to your fans and stifles communication in so many different ways. Models that have done these things know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s work. In addition, constantly trying to explain how you have a bunch of money when no one sees you working anywhere, or trying to explain you’re self-employed and doing some work online while keeping people from not prying into the details, it can be so very tiring and frustrating for all parties involved. The reality is it’s none of anyone’s business how you get your money, but there’s also the reality that it makes sense when friends and family get curious about how you’ve ended up affording all these nice new things, or even rent, seemingly without a “job”. It never feels good lying to people you care about, and it can be such a hassle to keep it up.

3. EDUCATION AND COLLABORATION
Opening up gives you the opportunity to talk, teach, learn and collaborate with friends and family you had no idea would be interested in entering your line of work! In my case, I opened up about my work on Facebook in a long post and I ended up getting THREE private messages from 3 different friends that were also camming on the side. I was blown away. Me coming out gave them the opportunity to find me and for me to find them, and I’m more than happy to say that I’ve been able to make so many new videos and have so many more fun cam shows with them included than I would have otherwise. I’ve also helped several people I know in “real life” with tips on how to enter, what the pro’s and con’s are, and so on. The collaboration is real, and so is the friendship. I can’t begin to explain how fantastic it is to be able to talk to friends and family about the daily struggles being a sex-worker can be when I need to vent, but also have them included in my celebrations and accomplishments!

4. MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE
You’ll be doing a great service to current and future sex workers and the sex industry as a whole by coming out to your friends and family. The more normalized sex-work becomes, the less it’ll be thought as this dangerous thing performed in the dark of night by the lowest of the low. When you see a friend or family member that you respect and care for doing sex work, it shapes a new way of thinking about the people in sex work and again, the industry as a whole. When we have to hide in the shadows it inevitably paints us as a negative industry, that we must be doing something immoral or bad. The more we stand up and normalize what we do to the public, our friends, and family, the more it becomes acceptable as a career choice with its ups and downs just like any other career out there. By opening up you set the stage for this to become the reality we should be living in, and you make it easier by paving the path ahead for the next sex worker to do so as-well.


SOUNDS GREAT, RIGHT? HOLD ON
Okay – those are my reasons! But PLEASE keep reading, because this next part is more important than anything I’ve written so far. I want to be very clear: this has been my own unique experience, and while a lot of reasons have good merits behind them, not everyone will have the same experience coming out.

1. PERSONAL SAFETY
If you have abusive or violent friends or family that may put you in harm’s way for finding out you do sex work (religious reasons, societal reasons, whatever the case may be!), I highly recommend you DO NOT come out. Your safety is of utmost priority and you should only come out if you’re 100% certain that no physical harm will come to you.

2. RISK OF REJECTION
If you don’t believe you have the mental capacity or emotional energy to handle friends and family treating you like trash, telling you you’re worthless because of the occupation you chose, or even worse, telling you that they’re no longer your friends or being disowned from your family: don’t do it. Personally, I had a few friends that told me that I could, “do so much better” and 3 family members told me that I wasn’t to speak to them again. It hurt at first because I thought that we’d be friends forever, or that family always sticks together – I was grossly mistaken. Later on I realized how lucky I was to have found out that these individuals thought this way, because I couldn’t imagine being associated with people like that in my life. Now I’m ecstatic at the idea of a friend disowning me, it gives me more time to dedicate myself to friends and family that DO care about me, not just my occupation.

3. DAMAGE TO A SELECT FEW FUTURE OPPORTUNITIES
A lot of people are worried that doing sex work now could hurt their chances for doing other career work in the future. There’s truth to that, but I genuinely believe it’s not as severe as you might think. Sex work in 2018 is viewed far differently than sex work in 1999. We’ve come a long way. It may have been true that in the past you’d immediately get fired for even being associated with sex work in the most minor way, but that’s absolutely no longer the case. I remember when even talking about watching porn was considered disgusting, and now we all laugh about it and accept that it’s a thing we all do. Not only is it more accepted, but a lot of the jobs we jump into are run by younger and newer generations that don’t have that antiquated thinking. Remember: If you’re working a job where you’re qualified, doing good work, and your friends with your colleges, it’s unlikely they would spend energy and money firing you and working to find a replacement just because you have some videos and photos floating around on the internet. School career will absolutely be a huge exception when working with kids, but jobs in other careers will be far less judgmental on your past sex work. Honestly there’s so much more that can go into this section, but the gist I want to give you is that it’s not a 100% deal-breaker these days if you’ve done sex work in the past, and that’s only going to be an issue if your potential employer can find out you did so – you’ll still be using your model name online.

I hope this article serves as a good foundation to get you started on potentially opening up. Everyone’s situation is different so I hope you keep in mind that you might get the short end of the stick on every negative there is, but I promise that if you hold out and you plan to do sex work for many years to come as a serious career, it will end up being worth it. If you only plan to do this for a few months to pay the rent while looking for another job, I’d just stick to your cam name. Note that coming out doesn’t mean plastering your real name all over the internet: it just means letting your friends and family know that you do sex work, and it’s up to you to decide how many details you give out about that.
Okay thanks for reading this way-too-long blog post! I appreciate it, and good luck! <3

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